In 2 short years I’m calling AARP. Anyone that knows me won’t believe it at all, of course, because I’m allergic to ‘institution’. ‘Course, I was a scout, a soldier, went to school. Fully jumped right into those, but, anything else I can ‘join’, or whatever, that has a governance, is immediately dismissed by me as: written by fools, run by fools, occupied by Brandi, who talks like this…Fuk Mensa, too.
But, I’m calling AARP. I’m signing up because saving money kicks ass. I’ll officially have the old, like that one time a couple years ago at The FIsh this dude got up to let me sit down – wtf, fuk you dude, I’m not old – he laughed, I laughed, everyone laughed. I sat on the stool. He was polite and sweet and charming. Fuker.
And I’ll be saving money. I’m gonna buy so much shit I don’t need just to save money. Like, oh, there’s a fancy pen – I don’t even need another one of those but I’m buying it. Dude says: That’ll be: $53 –
BAM! AARP card slaps the counter.
Arms up I walk away – circling. That’s right, 15%, I say….Dude says, my mistake, that’ll be $45.10. He ANNOUNCES!
Bam, we do a jig. People go mental, hotties are gyrating, gym-socks over there looses a tooth. It’s mayhem and it’s triumphant!
Saving money RULES!
Also I just soaked my feet in epsom salts because fuk you, that’s why.