Claire and I met 2nd year at school. She was a black crowes groupie; you know, wild for ’em, followed them around. She gave me a bootleg tape once, ‘hey, I made this for you’. I still have it. ‘Course I still have it. Pfft, as I write this, it’s 30 years ago – it could be to the DAY! I dunno, but it could be. It was winter. But, I never was any part of all that groupie madness. I dug the Black Crowes just fine, they kicked ass, and she never was away with them while I knew her. We just fit for that time.
We all gathered over her folk’s house on the 4th. 3 fellas and ladies to match, and we were on our way to P-Town for some revel’n. So, we’re all hanging around; eating, talking, waiting for what’s-his-face and her father comes over to me. We’re talking, we get along…blah blah blah…..what’s-his-face arrives and we’re set to go. Father says to me, take the hemi-cuda, as he tosses me the keys.
Naw. Naw, man – I don’t wanna take the hemi-cuda
Pffft! I gave him my stupid-ridiculous smile, caught those keys and started moving. Let’s get outta here…
And he didn’t even mind I grabbed his daughter by her waist and pulled her right into me as we all packed-out, heading up the cape. Claire and I in the hemi-cuda.
Now, P-Town on the 4th is wicked. The whole town, and everybody they ever heard of, was out in the streets. And, there was a parade. AYFKM? Anyway, we roll into town and parking doesn’t exist – until I spy a church and we find the last spot in it. We park, and head out.
So, the night happened and we all had a real good time. Around 1, 1:30ish we decide to head back home. Good thing, because I was broke. The money flowed like wine and it was out. Between the 6 of us we had maybe $35.
We head for the church.
We get to the church getting the last of the goofiness out of us and head behind it into the parking lot and there’s no car. There are no cars.
All of them were towed. My girlfriend’s father’s hemi-cuda was towed. The one, where, we were all gathered at her folk’s house having fun, and he throws me the keys and says – take the hemi-cuda. That one. And, I’m outta money.
That guy tow’d all the cars – and we’re hearing grumbling in the street because there were a lot of cars in that church parking lot and there are people heading out like us and their cars were towed.
We find out who tow’d them and we find out where it is.
We’re out of money.
Doesn’t matter, I’m not leaving girlfriend’s father’s hemi-cuda in p-town. We decide, yeah, let’s go see this guy about getting our cars back.
We arrive. It’s a big lot, slopes up, in a meandering and wide sort of way. It’s wooded, but you can see the shack up in front of us maybe 170 yds. There are lights around it, wrecker out front. There’s one dirt road in, and the road behind us out. We need a plan.
It’s tough to come up with a plan when you’re a couple hours from home and out of loot. This guy doesn’t have dishes to wash.
Other folks were leaving there disappointed as we arrived. There was murmur. Cash only. $70 per car. We had 2.
We have a plan. It’s not at all a good plan , but, it’s a plan. It wasn’t my plan.
You ladies are gonna walk up in there, something something, maybe whip your tits out…
Yeah. It was funny hearing it out loud then, too.
The ladies said, and I quote:
‘You can fuk right off!! I’m not doing that.’ (that was Claire. High-five!)
But, she was kind of laughing a little as she said it.
It was out there now, though…
…and after the haughty and delightful hell no’s there was a bit of quiet for a minute. You know; someone was considering something. And after that brief period of quiet the ladies started talking about it a little and there was another little laugh and then someone said,
and I quote –
‘Well, if you do it, then I’ll do it’
And it was decided that the ladies would go try and beat this guy down, tits out, and retrieve our cars.
They were gone for 20 minutes and we stopped talking and watched them when they came back down the hill toward us.
‘That fukin’ guy!
Ladies were pissed.
‘That guy is an asshole’
We fellas gave them some space. They needed to handle this rejection. I’ll just say, we were 25 when this all happened and everybody is beautiful when they are 25. Ladies didn’t like for one second that they had gone all the way up there, whipped ’em out, and the guy said:
‘The nerve of that guy!’
I mean, it’s funny. Just about humanity in general, we’re pretty funny.
In any case, we were still a couple hours from home, with no way back, and no money. I always had money, I always had a plan, I was never sideswiped like this. Loser, welcome to reality. There was no other choice. I’m calling girlfriend’s father.
Damn. I found a pay phone and dialed.
I woke him up. Awesome.
Hey, aah, it’s – you know – daughter’s boyfriend – yeah – the hemi-cuda got tow’d and I’m outta money. OMFG loser!
He just – laughed. It was a big and hearty laugh and it was beautiful.
Noooo, you pinko-commie bastard, I’m boning your daughter and I’m out here a zillion miles away in your legend-of-a-car, that you trusted me with, and i lost it. fuk you and your laughing.
He said – I’ll be there soon.
And he was. Before we knew it he came rolling up with his buddy, who happened to be the father of one of the fellas I was with. Lol, double loser. I felt way better immediately. Girlfriend’s father came over to me, big smile –
‘Don’t sweat it. Happens to everybody.’ He said.
We all drove over to that rat-bastard that had tow’d the cars and girlfriend’s father and his buddy went in and paid that motherfuker (the ladies still weren’t over it) his cash and got the cars back.
Girlfriend’s father came over to me and handed me the keys to the hemi-cuda. Big smile.
You’re fukin’ right.